It's the oldest war zone, the battle between heart and brain. Between the butterflies in your stomach and the rotting in your guts. We want a cold beer in warm sun, but we get flat soda under florescent lighting. Some have a brain that wins, some have a heart that wins. But what about us in between. Those with turmoil in their smiles. An ache and worry so intense that we wear it in the wrinkles on our forehead and with bags under our eyes. We are the hopeless romantics. The ones who work hard, work long hours, because that is what we have convinced ourselves that is what we need. Is it really what we need though? Money is simply that. A word. And intangible substance that most of us let be the center of our world. I have only lived for 21 short years on this planet, but I have seen money do some pretty terrible things. Money kills. Money talks. Money is dangerous. Not just a surplus of cash, but the lack can drive us to insanity. I owe more money than I have. I need more money than I make.
But what I don't need is better people. My people are wonderful. I have warm blankets on my bed. I have a car. And food in the cupboards. Some people can't say this much. I also have my own personal library lining the walls of my room, a want. My needs are met, and even some of my wants are met.
But then there is that want that seems to be a need and it gets you all mixed up and upset. He lives far away. I love him far away. But some days, I want to be close. Some days, I want to share a bowl of popcorn and laugh. Or a bottle of wine, and get drunk. How long can you go without a hug before it becomes a necessity? How long can your bills get put on hold? How long can you go before you quit your job and uproot your life? When do the things you want become the things you need? When do those people you wanted become the ones you needed? I love my life. I live my life. As always, I live it at an expense. Time, money, or turmoil. Nothing is free. Your wants and your needs are costly. The answer is muddy.
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