me and my hands on quitting

Short fingernails not for self defense but for comfort. Painted the colors of my heart in that moment on that day. Dark for courage, light for vulnerability. These short fingernails comfortable with the keyboard. We are quitting and unquitting the quitting and then quitting again. And then wondering who we're really quitting for. Because if it's not for us, we're just hiding. Hiding behind books, inside print.  Hiding behind espresso shots and O shaped mints. Occupying moments with quick sleep, quick smiles, but not real. Hand to mouth. Chewing on pens, on nail beds that taste like courage today, like vulnerability tomorrow. There's no support in smells, no support on screens. Unquitting the quitting, because the unquitting is real and sane and exposed. Like short fingernails not used for self-defense, used for writing tender and writing anger.